Birdfigment (below) is correct. The intro just doesn't zing.
"Serenade of Blood and Silver is a fantasy novel about a man who discovers that there's more than one way to build a family. It usually takes blood, sweat, and tears; Saul's way is no exception, but he finds the result to be worth all his effort."
Emphasizing this aspect of the novel actually isn't a bad idea... sure as hell better than "this is a story about a peasant who is really a prince, and the Chosen One destined to overthrow the Dark Lord..." but the opening of the query letter calls for bang-zoom blurb language (albeit with a brain). Don't so much emphasize what the novel is *about,* but rather *why it should be read.*
Remember... you are not explaining the deeper theme of SoB&S to a friend. You are trying to convince a professional prose-hucker, in the space of a single page, that your prose is worth hucking-- that your story is worth *selling.* Sleep on it and then approach it again from a slightly more... bloodthirsty? aggressive? proactive?... angle.
no subject
"Serenade of Blood and Silver is a fantasy novel about a man who discovers that there's more than one way to build a family. It usually takes blood, sweat, and tears; Saul's way is no exception, but he finds the result to be worth all his effort."
Emphasizing this aspect of the novel actually isn't a bad idea... sure as hell better than "this is a story about a peasant who is really a prince, and the Chosen One destined to overthrow the Dark Lord..." but the opening of the query letter calls for bang-zoom blurb language (albeit with a brain). Don't so much emphasize what the novel is *about,* but rather *why it should be read.*
Remember... you are not explaining the deeper theme of SoB&S to a friend. You are trying to convince a professional prose-hucker, in the space of a single page, that your prose is worth hucking-- that your story is worth *selling.* Sleep on it and then approach it again from a slightly more... bloodthirsty? aggressive? proactive?... angle.
Ciao,
SL