I can sympathize. However, I don't have any answers for you - at least not any that you will like.
Every part of your work to pay the bills vs. doing what you want to do, and to simply not have enough time to get everything done thing is so in tune with how I have felt so many times in my life.
My endeavors certainly aren't as creative in an artistic sense as yours, but the depth of what I have desired and the work involved to get there I feel has been just as great.
For unnrealted reasons to this internal tug-of-war, I went on meds. For anxiety. Related to insomnia, among other things. These meds have definitely relaxed me. They have literally changed how I perceive time. I don't know quite how to explain it, but time passes much more easily now.
The down side, naturally, is that I don't get nearly as much done as I used to....but due to the meds, this doesn't really bother me. So I no longer have the tug of war, at least, not usually, but then again, I have let a lot of the passions go, and relegated them to the status of hobby.
I am certainly not recommending you go down that path; I know that you'd reject it if I was, and I like to see you work your ass off towards your passions, I'd hate to see otherwise; I'm simply telling you what happened to me.
Believe it or not
Every part of your work to pay the bills vs. doing what you want to do, and to simply not have enough time to get everything done thing is so in tune with how I have felt so many times in my life.
My endeavors certainly aren't as creative in an artistic sense as yours, but the depth of what I have desired and the work involved to get there I feel has been just as great.
For unnrealted reasons to this internal tug-of-war, I went on meds. For anxiety. Related to insomnia, among other things. These meds have definitely relaxed me. They have literally changed how I perceive time. I don't know quite how to explain it, but time passes much more easily now.
The down side, naturally, is that I don't get nearly as much done as I used to....but due to the meds, this doesn't really bother me. So I no longer have the tug of war, at least, not usually, but then again, I have let a lot of the passions go, and relegated them to the status of hobby.
I am certainly not recommending you go down that path; I know that you'd reject it if I was, and I like to see you work your ass off towards your passions, I'd hate to see otherwise; I'm simply telling you what happened to me.