Query Letter Help.
Nov. 4th, 2002 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abracanabraHelp! I've written a query letter to an agent that I would very much like to represent Serenade of Blood and Silver. Please take a look at it and give me your suggestions. Does this sound like a novel that you would be interested in reading/publishing? Etc. I've italicized portions I am unsure about, with the explanation why afterwards. Thank you all so much....
Dear CENSORED:
I am looking for an agent to represent my novel and am pleased to submit this query for your consideration. Serenade of Blood and Silver is a fantasy novel about a man who discovers that there's more than one way to build a family. It usually takes blood, sweat, and tears; Saul's way is no exception, but he finds the result to be worth all his effort.
Saul has drifted through life for years. He has avoided forming any permanent connection to other people, bonding instead with the horses that are in his care. This changes one rainy season day when he sees a filly being abused. He feels responsible for gentling her and leading her to trust people.[1] He steals the filly from his employer and flees pursuit.
When the horse becomes violently ill, Saul takes her to a wisewoman[2] who removes the silver, rune-inscribed horseshoes that may be causing the illness. The filly shifts into a child, a young girl who trusts no human but Saul. The wisewoman tells them that the child is bound in her human form; each time she changes shape, the fatal illness she was suffering from has a chance to slip through into her human shape. Saul reluctantly undertakes responsibility for the girl, though he has no idea how to deal with a puca, much less a child.
With the wisewoman's help, Saul and the child travel to a waterhole at the boundary between the civilized Near Desert and the dangerous Far Desert, hoping to sign on with a trade caravan that will allow them to escape the Horse Thief Catchers' Society agent who will surely follow them. When they reach the waterhole, they find that all the caravans have left for the season, but the leader of the tribes who roam the Far Desert proposes an arrangement that will help preserve the freedom of the desert tribesfolk and allow Saul and the puca to escape. [3]
The setting of Serenade of Blood and Silver is influenced by the American Old West and by sub-Saharan West Africa, where I lived for three years. The cultural complexities of these societies add depth to the novel and provide a solid foundation for the fantasy world it is set in. Serenade of Blood and Silver is the first novel of a trilogy I have plotted. Each of the novels is designed to stand alone as a satisfying story, but their complete scope will be revealed over the course of the trilogy.[4]
As a young writer in Minneapolis, I am looking for an experienced agent based in New York. Because you already represent authors in Minneapolis and visit the city on business-related matters,[5] I believe we could have a good working relationship if you choose to represent me. Your experiences as a member of the AAR, as a member agent of Writers House, which has received positive mention in Writing-World.com and Writer's Market, and as the representative of writers such as Robin McKinley and Neil Gaimon are very impressive. I would be honored if you chose to represent this novel and my future work.
I have included a short biography for your review. Serenade of Blood and Silver is 92,000 words long and fully complete. May I send you a copy of the manuscript?
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Abra Staffin Wiebe
Encl.
Biography
SASE
[1] Should this be rephrased or left out?
[2] Is wisewoman a well-understood and appropriate term? I didn't want to say "chaddari" because the agent would have no idea what I meant.
[3] Is this too much of a cliffhanger? Should I actually summarize the entire thing?
[4] Well, should I say this or should I leave the assumption that this is a stand-alone novel? I mean, it is but it isn't....
[5] Is this too stalkerly?
And the biography...
Abra Staffin Wiebe grew up in Kansas, Burkina Faso, Chad, and India. While living in Africa and India, she had the opportunity to observe different cultures struggling to preserve their way of life and to find their place in future world society. This has informed much of her writing and led to her interest in the means different societies use to preserve themselves.[1] She moved to Minnesota to attend Macalester College and has lived in Minneapolis for the past six years. She recently finished the final draft of her first novel, Serenade of Blood and Silver, and is currently researching her second novel, Vicesteed, a neo-Victorian science fiction novel about memory and identity. She is also writing a screenplay based on one of her short stories that an independent short film director has expressed interest in producing.
[1] Too much information?
Dear CENSORED:
I am looking for an agent to represent my novel and am pleased to submit this query for your consideration. Serenade of Blood and Silver is a fantasy novel about a man who discovers that there's more than one way to build a family. It usually takes blood, sweat, and tears; Saul's way is no exception, but he finds the result to be worth all his effort.
Saul has drifted through life for years. He has avoided forming any permanent connection to other people, bonding instead with the horses that are in his care. This changes one rainy season day when he sees a filly being abused. He feels responsible for gentling her and leading her to trust people.[1] He steals the filly from his employer and flees pursuit.
When the horse becomes violently ill, Saul takes her to a wisewoman[2] who removes the silver, rune-inscribed horseshoes that may be causing the illness. The filly shifts into a child, a young girl who trusts no human but Saul. The wisewoman tells them that the child is bound in her human form; each time she changes shape, the fatal illness she was suffering from has a chance to slip through into her human shape. Saul reluctantly undertakes responsibility for the girl, though he has no idea how to deal with a puca, much less a child.
With the wisewoman's help, Saul and the child travel to a waterhole at the boundary between the civilized Near Desert and the dangerous Far Desert, hoping to sign on with a trade caravan that will allow them to escape the Horse Thief Catchers' Society agent who will surely follow them. When they reach the waterhole, they find that all the caravans have left for the season, but the leader of the tribes who roam the Far Desert proposes an arrangement that will help preserve the freedom of the desert tribesfolk and allow Saul and the puca to escape. [3]
The setting of Serenade of Blood and Silver is influenced by the American Old West and by sub-Saharan West Africa, where I lived for three years. The cultural complexities of these societies add depth to the novel and provide a solid foundation for the fantasy world it is set in. Serenade of Blood and Silver is the first novel of a trilogy I have plotted. Each of the novels is designed to stand alone as a satisfying story, but their complete scope will be revealed over the course of the trilogy.[4]
As a young writer in Minneapolis, I am looking for an experienced agent based in New York. Because you already represent authors in Minneapolis and visit the city on business-related matters,[5] I believe we could have a good working relationship if you choose to represent me. Your experiences as a member of the AAR, as a member agent of Writers House, which has received positive mention in Writing-World.com and Writer's Market, and as the representative of writers such as Robin McKinley and Neil Gaimon are very impressive. I would be honored if you chose to represent this novel and my future work.
I have included a short biography for your review. Serenade of Blood and Silver is 92,000 words long and fully complete. May I send you a copy of the manuscript?
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Abra Staffin Wiebe
Encl.
Biography
SASE
[1] Should this be rephrased or left out?
[2] Is wisewoman a well-understood and appropriate term? I didn't want to say "chaddari" because the agent would have no idea what I meant.
[3] Is this too much of a cliffhanger? Should I actually summarize the entire thing?
[4] Well, should I say this or should I leave the assumption that this is a stand-alone novel? I mean, it is but it isn't....
[5] Is this too stalkerly?
And the biography...
Abra Staffin Wiebe grew up in Kansas, Burkina Faso, Chad, and India. While living in Africa and India, she had the opportunity to observe different cultures struggling to preserve their way of life and to find their place in future world society. This has informed much of her writing and led to her interest in the means different societies use to preserve themselves.[1] She moved to Minnesota to attend Macalester College and has lived in Minneapolis for the past six years. She recently finished the final draft of her first novel, Serenade of Blood and Silver, and is currently researching her second novel, Vicesteed, a neo-Victorian science fiction novel about memory and identity. She is also writing a screenplay based on one of her short stories that an independent short film director has expressed interest in producing.
[1] Too much information?