Coyote Con: Fixing Passive Voice Tips

[abracanabra]

There was much general discussion, but the following tips are what I found most useful.

[FrancesP] 12:43 pm: Okay, tips for fixing passives:
[FrancesP] 12:43 pm: Get specific: “It was late when he arrived” turns into “he
arrived ten minutes late.” “He was a heavy-set man” turns into “he weighed
over two-hundred and fifty pounds.”
[FrancesP] 12:43 pm: Get descriptive: “She was tall” turns into “she towered
over her co-workers.” “The guy was short” turns into “the top of his head
barely reached her shoulder.”
[FrancesP] 12:44 pm: Expand the idea: “It was raining” turns into “rain
drizzled and pooled in the streets.” “I’m tired” turns into “I can’t force my
eyes to stay open for one more minute.”
[FrancesP] 12:44 pm: Flip it: “In the center of the room was a table” turns
into “a table occupied the center of the room.” “On the top of his head was a
hat” turns into “he wore a hat on the top of his head.”

Comments

[discoflamingo.livejournal.com]

I think numbers are the opposite of evocative imagery. Much like how if a character is about to give "the greatest speech ever told", the writer would do well to not actually write it out.

[cloudscudding.livejournal.com]

That was exactly the example I thought of.